This is no laughing matter. If you want to create a website for your business that will fail miserably, it's important to follow these guidelines. Taking time to educate yourself about how websites work and what it will require to build your website correctly is a big mistake if you want your website to fall into the abyss of uselessness. Let's take a look at how to achieve a worthless website.
1. Have Unrealistic Expectations
The first tenant of achieving website failure lies in your own expectations. If you really want your website to fail, it's imperative that you take no time to educate yourself about what constitutes a quality website. Instead, set your sites on absolute success, and expect to achieve it immediately. When you find a low rate website builder (perhaps your friend's friend's highschool-age son), expect that when he finishes your website, your business will immediately grow. Be sure to blindly trust his unarguably keen eye for design, understanding of website structure standards and ability to propel a website to instantaneous Google super-stardom. And whatever you do, don't take your time to look at quality, successful websites and analyze their blueprint for success -- avoid this unnecessary waste of time at all costs.
2. Hire the Cheapest Developer You Can Find on Craigslist
You're on a budget. You don't want to pay $500 for your website, but you'll spend $250 if you have to. The best place to find a web developer who can help you on your road to website failure is Craigslist. All of the local design firms and experienced freelancers charge way too much. Find a student or beginning web designer who can build you a site with all the bells and whistles for $199! This way, when you have a half-finished website and can't get a hold of your "designer", you can relish in the realization of your utter website failure. No matter how tempting it may be, avoid checking designer's portfolios, references, and never stop to consider whether they may have learned anything in their years of training and hands-on experience that would enable them to build a higher-quality, better performing website than the $199 guy on Craigslist.
3. Think You Can Do It Yourself
There are a bazillion do-it-yourself website development tools at your fingertips -- why pay someone with experience to do it for you? After all, you're not looking to get your business up and running with actual clients any time soon. You're not interested in budgeting for a quality, well-performing website that will generate a return on your investment. The local web developer wants to charge you $2,500 to build you a website, and you can do it for $0 -- that's an instant savings of $2,500! Just don't stop to consider opportunity costs. Don't place value on your time and or utilize your own expertise for doing things you're good at. Instead, spend 20 hours build an amateurish website. Heck, while you're at it, why not visit the local hardware store to pick up boards and nails to build your storefront? Surely you can do that, too!
4. Expect "a Website" to be the Answer
If you really want your website to fail, it's important to expect that -- without investing any time of your own -- your website will be the answer to your problems. It will bring you from irrelevance to immediate success, generating unfathomable amounts of business. Avoid the urge to investigate what makes a website successful, relevant and high-ranking in the search engines. Ignore taking any time to strategize how you'll add value to your website and use it on- and off-line to promote your business. Just assume that It'll do all of that for you. It is a website after all.
5. Have No Plan
Whatever you do, whether building your own site or letting your middle-schooler do it for you, be sure that you have no plan. If you want your website to fail, it's imperative you do no research and create no plan. Instead, focus on the grandeur that awaits you. Don't analyze your competition, assess keywords or consider your target audience. Don't lay out a plan for designing or developing a website with the right structure and optimization, and never, ever make a plan for promoting and improving your website once it's online.
Follow these helpful hints and you can be on your way to website irrelevance in no time. If for some unknown reason you get the urge to educate yourself and make a plan, just know that it might, unfortunately, lead to your website success. If you really want to ruin your chances at failure, you might even think to find a competent, experienced freelancer to work with who can help you organize a realistic strategy to create an appealing website that will be available to your target demographic and will ultimately generate new business leads. But why be practical -- delusion can be so much more fun!
Ready to get serious about your business and your website? Zachary Coyne is an experienced freelance website designer/developer who offers website help and Wordpress help to his clients. He works one on one with each client to provide website advice, fixes, updates and tutoring.
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